Too cool to push

No, not that type of push. Not pushing a baby out, you are getting your colloquialisms confused.

I am of course talking about those who walk amongst us who are too cool to push the button on puffin crossings -that's right 'puffin', the ones with the green and red men, I did my homework.

In case you are not familiar with these types of crossings then read no further, you are obviously much too posh for this site, what with your chaffer driven cars, you have probably never even been on a bus, let alone had to walk anywhere. This site will be more to your needs; http://howtospendit.ft.com/ Goodbye.

Anyway, I have seen it so many times, and guys, you do not look cool striding across the road then realising that you have misjudged it and you have to break into that pathetic little half jog the rest of the way.

It amuses me that younger men (I live right by a puffin crossing and it is usually younger men) feel that they need to flaunt their male prowess in this fashion.

Working on the assumption that our primal instincts are somehow at work here, what does the lack of button pressing show?

Is it that this man is simply too important to be airing on the side of caution - he's got places to go, people to see? Has feminism emasculated men so much that his only chance of boasting about his manhood is to put his life in jeopardy by not crossing when the green man says so?

Perhaps these men are showing some sort of deep seeded rebellion against society and by not being sucked into the 'illusion of choice' of a green man or a red man, they are saying "fuck you establishment". Or is it something far more incredible, that the man in question is so in control of the situation that he can manipulate the traffic at his will? *Whispers* superheroes are finally here.

This odd macho behaviour is also true of those younger men who push buggies and prams with one hand, just so they can keep their swagger, which they do so well in the tracksuits of the late 90s, Jeremy Kyle-style. Prams are impossible to navigate and steer at the best of times, never mind with one hand. I suspect that this may have a deep seeded reason, like, "is this baby even mine?"

But why the threat of danger? Why the living on the edge, but in the most mundane ways?

Obviously this is an extremely serious issue that needs to be addressed by the nation. Our young men are at worst hurting and not being able to express this hurt or, perhaps more worryingly, just not grasping how to use basic, everyday, objects. Is this more evidence of 'broken Britain'?

Stop. Press. Wait for the green man.

#WaitForTheGreenMan

Please, for the love of god, just wait for the green man.